Not For This Life
by HeathenVampires
Summary: AU Adam!Vlad. Just because he was normal in this life, didn't mean he truly belonged there. Dark one-shot. Selfharm/suicidal ideation warnings - no death.


**I don't own the characters, sadly.**

 **Dark little one shot thing.**

 **Short thing I came up with for my secret Adam!Vlad love - Vlad is always saying he never felt like he fitted in as a vampire, but would he have felt like a normal boy if he hadn't known he was a vampire?**

 **Warnings for self-harm, bullying, depression, suicide triggers etc**

-YD-

"Adam dear, are you having problems at home?" Adam shook his head, the teacher who'd called him into her office looking down at him sympathetically. "Why do you ask Miss?" "You're always so pale Adam, are you ill?" "No Miss, my mum says I take after my dad in that regard and I've never met him to know." With that he was let go, but teachers always looked at him strangely. He couldn't help that he was pale, Adam spent plenty of time outdoors with his mum and his little sister (different dad but they were a family regardless) doing things like sailing, horse riding, rock climbing and even a few cave explorations. He just seemed stuck with a ghostly complexion that the other boys laughed at when they were changing.

His mum always encouraged him to fight back, but Adam was a shy boy, he struggled to make friends and didn't seem to fit in anywhere. And the dreams he had, bats and blood and fighting were enough for him to wake up most nights soaked in sweat. The dark circles that seemed etched onto his face worried even George. Georgina, his little sister, was the complete opposite of him. Her light hair was thick and curly, his straight, short and much darker than her mousey brown. George was a bundle of light, never struggling to make friends even if she was a bit of a 'geek' - she studied Latin and wanted to be an archeologist. Adam had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, muddling along averagely at school and playing chess on a computer by himself. The most social he got outside of his mother and sister was a boy with the screen name "I_love_vampires" who frequently destroyed him no matter how much Adam practiced.

The years rolled by, and Adam started to notice a change. His body developed well, though he didn't get very tall but his muscles toned and bulked out and girls looked at him discreetly all the time. The boys didn't seem to notice much, other than one boy Adam had heard was "a poof". Adam wasn't sure what that meant, but he guessed it was a reference to homosexuality given the looks the boy shot him. Adam had no real interest in girls, boys or people really. Which only made him feel stranger. He never felt included, an outsider in this world. He didn't blame his mum, if she hadn't fought tooth and nail he'd have been adopted and never know his family. But that didn't stop him dreaming of a father out there somewhere, maybe just as weird as he was.

"How come you have no dad Giles? Your mom that bad a lay?" The jeering older boys shoved him around, mocking his family and kicking his knees until he fell to the floor. "Maybe I'll go test her out, then I can be your daddy and teach you how not to be such a little freak." A kick to his stomach winded Adam, the older boys dashing off at the sight of a teacher. "Are you alright Adam?" The kindly older woman helped him stand, dusting off his dirty uniform. "Fine miss, we were just discussing rugby moves." Her face screamed disbelief but Adam snatched up his backpack and darted away. He knew they meant well but Adam was enough of an outcast as it was, he wasn't about to be a tattle-tale too. That didn't stop the same group of boys cornering him later, twisting his arm til he thought it would snap and telling him not to snitch on them. Panting with the waves of pain, Adam ran home as soon as they released him, their jeering laughter ringing in his ears.

The dreams haunted him again that night, and his mum took one look at him the next day and told him not to move, she'd be back once she'd dropped George off. Adam could have gotten driven to school if he wanted, but after they'd started teasing him for being dropped off by "mommy" Adam had started walking by himself. Adam spent the day in bed, not sleeping but not really feeling all that awake either. When his mum left to take George to her Latin class, Adam broke down crying. He was fifteen, a loner, a freak and had no ambition to do anything with his life. It didn't matter how many school counsellors told him he would grow out of it, that plenty of teenagers felt this way and it would get better. Digging through his desk, Adam pulled out the knife he used to carve wood with before he started getting irritation from splinters. He didn't understand how, he'd gotten them for years but recently they made his skin itch and redden, so Adam had regretfully given up carving.

Pressing the knife to his pale wrist, he pressed down until the skin reddened and split. Blood welled up around the blade and Adam moved down his arm, repeating the motion until "Freak" was shining against his pale skin. Changing to the other arm, shaky with his injured right arm, Adam pressed lines down the pale flesh until "Loser" was carved there. Hearing the car door slam outside, Adam hastily put his knife away, yanking his black hoodie over his injured arms and hiding back under his covers. As he heard his mum stepping up to check on him, Adam turned his head and lay as still as he could, the sharp pain in his arm making him almost twitchy. "Night Adam" was whispered into the darkness, and Adam felt a tug of guilt in his chest as he feigned sleep. Once he was satisfied she was gone, Adam sat up, scrubbing at the drying blood on his arms with stinging wipes from the first aid kit he'd had since he was eleven and wanted to take up camping. Clumsily bandaging his arms, Adam felt a fresh wave of tears hit him as he thought of the next day at school. If the other boys saw what he'd done, they'd be merciless in their mockery of him.

Adam waited til he heard the sounds of his family sleeping, biting back tears as he wrote an apology to his mother. He stripped off the bloody sheet from his bed, stuffing it in his backpack. His mum didn't need to find that. Changing into black jeans and shoes, trying to be as invisible as possible in the night, Adam crept downstairs and let himself out the back door - the front door was too noisy. Unsure of his exact destination, Adam used the large oak tree to heave himself over the back gate, running across the field until he found the river they had fished and swam in as children. There were few light sources here, the moon large and bright in the sky but the streetlights too far to glow orange on his pale skin. Sitting down shakily on the edge of the bank, Adam considered his options. The bridge wasn't very high, and he'd have to be pretty determined to actually drown himself. His knife was in his bag, but that could leave a messy corpse and he wanted to save his mother what grief he could. Feeling more guilty tears rise, Adam blinked them away.

Footsteps sounded nearby, Adam fighting the urge to turn around in favour of trying to stay invisible in his spot. No such look, the footsteps wandered over to him, someone sitting down carefully next to him. "I'm not going to hurt you, there's no need to hide." Feeling stupid at being caught out, Adam turned to the heavily accented voice. Even in the limited light, he could see bright eyes, tight curls silhoutted across skin much darker than his own.

"You don't know me young one, but I know you. In a way. I'm here to offer you a choice. I know you're injured, and I know why you're here." Adam was shaking now, his arms twinging in memory of his stupid actions. "If you are truly set on your path to end your life, I can help you on that journey. If you want to take a chance on life again, I can show you a whole other side of yourself. I believe it will explain many things for you." Adam glared in the dark, this stranger assuming so much about him, offering to help him commit suicide. Whoever this man was, he was dangerous. Opening his mouth to refute angrily, instead "Who are you?" fell out of his mouth. "My name is Bertrand du Fortunesa, and I have been looking for you for a very long time. Your dark emotions have made it harder, but your decision to end your life rendered the innate blocks you had pointless." Looking for him? Blocks? Dark emotions? Adam was just contemplating which way would be best to run when a hand grasped his. The skin was cool, calloused. "I mean you no real harm young one, I only wish to help."

"What do you mean, blocks? And why have you been searching for me? That sounds pretty creepy, especially when you're holding hands with a fifteen year old in the dark." The stranger sighed. "I traced you with telepathy, it's a kind of psychic linking power between minds. You were born with innate - literally born with blocks against such things to protect you. When you made the decision to end your life, they were no longer protecting you and fell." The hand moved away from his then, and Adam felt a little colder, a little lonelier. "Let me guess, you feel like you don't belong to this world?" Adam nodded, not entirely sure the bright eyed stranger could see him. "Again, I can help with that. But you'll have to leave your family thinking you really did end your life, leave this whole side of you behind. Or as I said, you can end your life anyway, and I'll help you."

"Why would you help me die if you've spent so long hunting for me?" The hand returned, and Adam's face flamed in the dark as he let the strange comfort fill him. "Because I won't be able to teach you who you are if you're so hung up on wishing you'd died here and now. It's your choice young one. Life or death?" Adam considered his options, if he were truly intent on ending his life, he had nothing to lose. "What about my mum, and George?" "You left a note did you not? They will assume you followed through with it." Guilt tore through his chest then. "You weren't feeling guilty when you came here to die. At least my way, you might see them again."

Adam stood up, waiting until the -much taller- stranger rose with him. "If I go with you, what is it you think you can show me?" The bright eyes glowed a little brighter, and Adam thought he could make out a sort of smile on the strangers face. _"Everything."_

-YD-

 **I have zero idea where this came from, it just kind of happened.**


End file.
